


Unclean

by Salmon_I



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, Dark, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Pre-Canon, Religious Fanaticism, Religious Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:47:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23361193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salmon_I/pseuds/Salmon_I
Summary: He figures the religious freaks who run the group home can’t be worse than what he’s known. Outwardly, he’s right.  There are no drugs or alcohol to be found, and the housing is spotless.  There is a bed, a blanket, and a desk for every child to do their homework on.  He’s never stayed someplace so clean.  After finding Max and Isobel again, he almost feels like things might be looking up.He’s wrong.  He learns about duplicity.  About prejudice.  About hatred.  He abandons the notion that any humans are good.It starts out simple enough.  With chores, and a schedule, and church every Sunday.  He’s not used to a schedule, though.  He’s not used to being expected to do things, because what he’s always been expected to do is stay out of the way.  Apparently not understanding what they want from him isn’t an acceptable excuse.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	Unclean

Michael is eleven when he returns to Roswell. He’s learned a lot of things in the years since he emerged from the pod. He’s learned how to speak. Which is good, because not speaking had drawn attention he didn’t like. Pitying looks, and whispers behind palms that said something wasn’t quite right with him. He’s also learned that knowing how to talk and being listened to are two different things. He’s learned to read and write, though he rarely has the chance to do so outside of school. Books are kindling, not something to be enjoyed, as far as the meth-heads are concerned. He’s learned not to bring his schoolbooks home, but keep them in his locker or hidden somewhere else.

He’s learned how to count, and measure. He’s learned how much pennies and quarters scrounged from couch cushions and the bottom of the washing machine can buy. He’s learned how to steal food when he can’t find enough. He’s learned that as long as he spends the coins he finds, his caretakers never miss them. But if the drunk who he’s stuck with for two years finds him hoarding them - that won’t go unpunished.

He learns loneliness. He learns pain. He learns fear.

He’s not particularly scared on his treks to Foster Ranch. If anything, the starry night sky and stretches of highway and desert seem safer than any place he has ever lived on Earth. Sometimes there’s a feeling, like a fleeting memory, that invades his dreams when he sleeps under the stars. A feeling of belonging. Of safety.

In his waking hours, he never feels either.

He figures the religious freaks who run the group home can’t be worse than what he’s known. Outwardly, he’s right. There are no drugs or alcohol to be found, and the housing is spotless. There is a bed, a blanket, and a desk for every child to do their homework on. He’s never stayed someplace so clean. After finding Max and Isobel again, he almost feels like things might be looking up.

He’s wrong. He learns about duplicity. About prejudice. About hatred. He abandons the notion that any humans are good.

It starts out simple enough. With chores, and a schedule, and church every Sunday. He’s not used to a schedule, though. He’s not used to being expected to do things, because what he’s always been expected to do is stay out of the way. Apparently not understanding what they want from him isn’t an acceptable excuse.

“If anyone sins and does what is forbidden in any of the Lord’s commands, even though they do not know it, they are guilty and will be held responsible.” One of the adults quotes, as if it makes any sense.

They have a punishment, and a quote, for everything, he learns. Forgetting chores means being made to do things like clean the bathroom floor with a toothbrush. Taking food between scheduled meals and snacks means not only being denied the next meal, but being made to stand and watch as everyone else eats.

When he’s caught looking for loose change, he’s accused of stealing, because any loose change found is to go in a donation jar. That’s what leads to his first beating at the home. He’s made to get down the switch from the wall, and all the other children are rounded up to watch him be punished. Humiliation is new - he’s pretty sure he prefers being invisible.

“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” He’s told after.

He watches one of the workers wash another boy’s mouth out with soap after he is caught swearing.

“But shun profane and vain babblings: for they will increase unto more ungodliness.”

A girl’s hair is chopped off after she is caught decorating it with ribbons and barrettes she secretly bought.

“In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array.”

They are gathered up to watch another boy be beaten with the switch for being caught with a Playboy magazine.

“Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”

Two of the girls are caught sleeping in the same bed, and even though he knows the one suffers nightmares - everyone knows - it doesn’t stop the wrath of the adults. They’re gathered to watch, and the girls are given twice as many switches as any other punishment he’s witnessed yet.

“To kill wrong desires, which lead to wrong actions, you need to control your thinking. If you regularly fill your mind with wholesome thoughts, you can more readily dismiss wrong desires.” 

He runs away to Foster Ranch that night, spends it under the stars. Wishes for a world he can’t remember. No dreams of safety and belonging come. He wonders if he’d only ever imagined the feelings.

They lock him in the basement when he returns, where he spends hours alone in the dark.

“Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.”

He’s tired of their quotes, and their punishments. The next time they’re gathered to watch a beating a picture falls from the wall. The next time he’s made to miss a meal, a dining room chair scrapes across the floor. It’s not until he’s made to clean the hallway with a toothbrush, and every picture in it crashes to the ground, that he realizes it might be his doing.

“You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons too; you cannot have a part in both the Lord’s table and the table of demons.” The adults warn them at dinner that night.

He’s pretty sure he would know if he somehow called on the powers of darkness. After a few tests with Isobel and Max, he discovers he can make it happen on purpose. He can make things move. It’s the best thing that’s happened since finding Max and Isobel again, and he begins to play with his ability more and more when he’s alone.

The good news is the practice lets him lift heavier items without getting tired. Lets him hold them up longer.

The bad news is this means the same when his powers explode outward without meaning to. More and more, the workers at the group home start eyeing him when things happen. When chairs slam into the walls, and tables get knocked over because he’s angry, always angry. He hates how they excuse their cruelty as being for the good of the children in their care. He hates their rules and their schedules and their quotes.

He hates that sometimes the quotes sneak into his mind and make him wonder if he’s wrong in some way.

One of the women from the group home catches him practicing. She opens the door while he's levitating a pencil, and even though he drops it right away, she crosses herself and backs out of his room. He hopes that will be the end of it, but it isn’t.

If it had been any other time during the year he’d have been in school, but it’s summer and it isn’t as if he’s ever needed to retake a course. He sees her speaking to the priest on Sunday. She makes him go into the basement Monday morning.

At first, he thinks it’s a regular punishment. When she comes back, though, the priest is with her. At first, it seems simple enough. They pray and toss holy water on him. But as the hours go on and he tries to get up, he’s forced back into the chair. Eventually, they tie him to it.

He’s hungry, and tired, and has to use the bathroom, but they don’t care. The first time he loses control of his bladder, his cheeks burning with humiliation, the priest throws more holy water on him- claiming that him “defiling” himself was proof of his possession. As night sets in, he begins to shiver from the cold. Once again, the priest claims it’s proof that he’s possessed - that the demon inside of him is causing his body to shake.

If they would just leave him alone, he could use his powers to escape, but they don’t. They take shifts, praying constantly and ignoring anything he says. He begs them to let him go, but the priest keeps saying he isn’t fooled by the demon’s trickery.

Michael isn’t even sure how he loses control of his bladder a second time when he hasn't had anything to drink, but the acrid smell makes him throw up. He hasn’t had any food since Sunday dinner, and it’s early Wednesday. The priest only says again that it’s the demon’s doing - proof that he's being controlled by something evil.

They finally give him water, but no food. He tries to use his powers to scare them. To move and break things in the cellar. He only needs a moment alone to get out and away. Instead, the priest heats his metal cross over a candle and presses it into his skin. His forearm is first - the metal sizzles where it touches him - the pain is the worst he’s known and Michael can’t hold back his screams. The smell of his own flesh burning hits him next, making him gag as the priest repeats the process on his upper arm.

“Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the malice and snares of the devil."

How ironic is it that their angel has his name, yet he’s being accused of being a demon?

"May God rebuke him, we humbly pray; and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host, by the power of God, thrust into hell all the evil spirits who prowl through the world seeking the ruin of souls.”

He loses control of his powers, the force of it exploding outward all around him - rattling everything in the basement. Afterwards, he passes out.

When he wakes up, he’s laid out on the floor with the woman and the priest leaning over him, asking if he’s alright. Does he remember anything from his possession?

Terrified they might start the exorcism again, he insists he can’t remember any of the last week. The woman sobs, thanking God and the priest for saving his soul.

The priest eyes him suspiciously and warns them it might not be over. “Demons may be exorcised, or driven out, from a possessed person,” he cautions.“However, this may be dangerous if not followed by stringent cleaning and discipleship. Without proper spiritual care, the person might then be open for a seven-fold infestation.”

Michael barely suppresses a shudder when the woman instantly says they’ll do it again if they have to. Only then is he allowed to go upstairs and clean himself up. The clothing is a lost cause. He wads it up and stuffs it into the bathroom trash. The smell from them is so strong it starts to fill the small space, and he ends up tying up the bag to throw away when he’s finished cleaning himself. There’s a medkit in the bathroom with burn cream in it, and he applies it to the marks he can reach. He pulls on a hoodie afterward - tugging the sleeves down to hide the marks even though he knows you aren’t supposed to cover burns. He can’t look at them; doesn’t want anyone else to see them. He follows every fucked up rule without hesitation for the next week.

He’d planned to sneak out the night of his birthday, but fear of another exorcism makes him ask permission to go camping instead, stressing it’s with Max and not mentioning Isobel at all. The head of the group home agrees, though the woman who did the exorcism watches him warily. She approaches him before he leaves to give him a rosary. He takes it so he can escape out the door before things escalate.

If, on the way back to the group home after burying a body in the middle of the desert, he finds himself fingering the rosary, it’s only because his hands are still shaking from shock. 

“And nothing unclean, and no one who practices abomination and lying, shall ever come into it, but only those whose names are written in the Lamb's book of life.” He finds himself quoting, and hates himself for it.

He’s felt like the group home has been trying to convince him that he’s wrong and unclean since he’d first arrived. Now, after using his powers to bury a body, he isn’t sure he’ll ever feel clean again.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write a fic focusing on the exorcism from the moment episode 01x06 aired, and episode 01x10 only made me want to write it more.
> 
> I have a life long fascination with all things supernatural, so I’ve actually read and watched a lot of things about exorcisms - both about what is supposed to be done if going through official channels (which actually involves a ton of medical and psychological testing and can take years to be approved), and what happens when some zealot decides they can just take things into their own hands. (which tends to the abusive and has even led to death.)
> 
> That being said, and I’ve admitted this as a writer in previous fandoms while attempting to write about religious characters, I am agnostic. So any and all religious references are researched, but not something I have a lot of knowledge in. I apologize if that has led me to making any blazing errors.
> 
> Michael mentions in 1x10 that the group involved were “Fundamentalist Religious Freaks.” Fundamentalist, according to the dictionary, is a person who believes in the strict, literal interpretation of scripture in a religion. Which to me says that they’re the types who follow the letter and not the meaning of what they preach.
> 
> Even though both young Michael to Max, and older Michael to Alex, basically shrug off this group as being crazy, we know he was in their care for a minimum of three years (11-14). He may have been in their care up to 16 or 17 since he makes no more mention of another group home or foster parent and we don’t know when exactly he started living homeless. So that makes it 3-6 years he stayed with them. That’s a lot of years, and I feel like on some level, especially coming to them at 11, it would have affected his thoughts about right and wrong and himself, whether he admitted it or not, so I wanted to hint at that as well.


End file.
